Dear Level

When Women Say Size Doesn’t Matter, They Actually Mean It

Once and for all: it’s really (totally) fine!

Aliya S. King
LEVEL
Published in
4 min readJun 13, 2020

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Illustration: Janet Sung

Update 6/7/22: Level has a new home. You can read this article and other new articles by visiting LEVELMAN.com.

Before I even begin, let me get one thing out of the way: No column that I write is one-size-fits-all. There are always outliers. Nothing is 100%.

So yes, there are women (and men) out there who are size queens; they prefer a bigger-than-average penis, and don’t settle for anything else. But right now, I am talking about the rest of the women in the world — and they feel otherwise. You know those clichés? It’s not the size of the boat but the motion in the ocean?

That’s. Really. True.

Look at your hand. That’s roughly the size of the average woman’s vaginal canal when aroused. Does your hand do the job for you when it’s just the two of you? Yup, I bet it does. It does the same for us. And, dimensions aside, a woman’s labia, clitoris, and vagina are different depending on the time of day, the time of the month, and just how worked up you’ve got her feeling with the right amount of foreplay. The size of your penis is just one of many things at play during a session.

And if you’re comparing yourself to porn stars, don’t. Between fish-eye lenses, deceptive camera angles, and a “talent pool” that’s almost exclusively outliers, the porn industry has created unrealistic expectations about size, and created a culture of men irrationally anxious about their own endowment.

We are much more interested in what you do with all of you than how big your penis is. If a man’s packing 10 inches, but is a terrible kisser and selfish with foreplay, we don’t want any of that length, girth, or anything else. It’s wasted if he’s not working at making us feel good. And quite frankly, men with larger-than-average penises can end up being more trouble than pleasurable.

The most recent studies say that the average man is working with about five…

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Aliya S. King
LEVEL
Writer for

Aliya S. King is an author, freelance writer and editor.