How I Gave Up Cheating and Became Polyamorous
I’m still learning what’s next
I’m afraid to be lonely, yet I’ve never been alone.
I have a problem being monogamous. “Mono” means one. As an only child, I could not stand being “one” all the time. It didn’t seem a fair choice.
So I’ve always looked to pair. I’ve been in a coupled state as long as I can remember; it’s a core desire. For most of my life, I didn’t know how to feel good and valid without being part of a couple — but I also haven’t limited myself to being in a traditional relationship. That’s just another unit of one, after all.
As an adult, I tried to suppress that drive. But in hiding my endless coupling, my desire for more partners, I drove further away from monogamous relationships. I broke trust with the people I dated so I could find others and feel less alone. By cheating, I just isolated myself again.
But I found out I wasn’t the only one struggling with the binary of “cheating or accepting misery.” Monogamy isn’t the only way to sustain loving, consistent relationships.
My father made me a bastard. He started seeing my mother after leaving his wife. He and his wife had an uptown relationship; he worked at the university and she was a nurse. He was from Spanish Town, the ghetto. She was from the…
