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Dear Level
Did You Actually Think That Polyamorous Relationship Would Work?
‘The more, the merrier’ doesn’t always apply — especially without the proper boundaries
Update 6/7/22: Level has a new home. You can read this article and other new articles by visiting LEVELMAN.com.
Dearly beloved, we’re gathered here today to discuss this thing called polyamory: What it is, what it ain’t, and how to navigate it if you so desire. It’s not the same thing as its cousin polygamy, which is the practice of having more than one spouse. (That happens to be illegal in all 50 states — yes, even for Mormons in Utah — so if you’re fantasizing about a harem, let that pipe dream go.)
Polyamory refers to having multiple consensual relationships (no, your work wife doesn’t count). Cheating on your partner is not polyamory, nor is turning a blind eye to your partner’s cheating. In a polyamorous relationship, all parties are equally informed, give equal consent, and (ideally) are equally satisfied.
We may never know the truth about the rumors that continue to swirl around Jada Pinkett Smith and August Alsina. But if there was a consensual relationship and Will Smith gave his approval and had some type of friendship with August as well, that is a poly relationship. (If Will just gave his permission but didn’t have any association, that would be more of an open relationship.)
Yes, polyamory exists. And yes, with the right boundaries and discussion, it can work. But most of the time, people jump straight into bed for the sex portion of the program.
It’s difficult to track reliable statistics on Americans who are in these kinds of relationships, but it’s likely that between 20% and 30% of adult couples have at one time had a poly situation poppin’. One of them happens to include a good friend of mine, whose real-world experience was an eye-opening look into the complexities of poly relationships. Here’s the story of her tawdry tale, told with permission. (For the record, no one in this scenario is me.)
