Just Rankin’ Sh!t

6 Nuts to Avoid This Month, Ranked

The only #NoNutNovember credo that matters

Omar L. Gallaga
Published in
2 min readNov 9, 2021
Photo Illustration: Save As/Medium; Source: Getty Images

6. Walnuts

These nuts are trash, lacking the juiciness of a cashew, the sweet flavoring of a pecan, or the roasted deliciousness of a chestnut. Walnuts are impossible to crack and aren’t worth all the trouble. In fact, the only good walnut ever was Paulie.

5. “The Nutcracker”

The 1892 ballet is still super popular among families and is a treat to watch if your kids are enthralled by the dance and music. Well, that is, the first time. When you’re on your third or fourth go-round with children who are increasingly bored by the production and restless in their seats, it feels like an eight-hour death march to the final waltz.

4. Right-wing nutjobs

The last six years only revealed how many of them live among us. Refer to this impressive Pinterest board for a look at the kinds of stupid stuff they spread online.

3. Mr. Peanut

Once among the most debonair of snack mascots, Mr. Peanut fell on hard times when he died last year at 104 and was then resurrected as a CGI peanut baby and then a legal-to-drink 21-year-old named Peanut Jr. No. Just no to all of this.

2. Assorted

The ratio of cashews to other nuts is never right, there’s too much salt, the nut dust at the bottom is disgusting, and they come in a cheap tin that’s 10 times louder than you expect it to be when dropped on the floor.

1. Deeez

You walked right into that one.



Omar L. Gallaga
Writer for

Tech culture writer and podcaster, now freelancing in Texas. Bylines: Washington Post, WSJ, CNN, NPR, Wired, Texas Monthly. Here for all your wordy needs.