Member-only story
Dear Level
Your Ex Has Moved On. Do the Same, Bro.
Sometimes you have to create your own closure. Here’s how.
Update 6/7/22: Level has a new home. You can read this article and other new articles by visiting LEVELMAN.com.
A few months before the pandemic struck, my partner and I decided to play hooky. We went on a date, wandering our town, doing those activities that locals never get a chance to do. First we sat down for an unhurried cup of coffee. Then we strolled through a mostly empty museum, stopping to read the captions and descriptions for the artifacts in each exhibit. We capped the evening with dinner at a restaurant in a newly opened luxury hotel.
Again, there were lots of vacant tables (where was everyone?), so the maître d’hôtel immediately led us through the bar area toward the dining room. After a day of moving slowly and laughing at inside jokes, I was completely relaxed and a bit giddy as I walked ahead of my partner, holding his hand. And then, before my brain could even transmit the information, I felt a chill run up my back and the hairs on my arms stand up.
Sitting a few feet away from me — and getting closer with every step I took — was my ex.
We’d been apart for many years by this point. And we were still great friends. We share two daughters, including a teenager, so we communicate all the time. I’d just spoken to him that very afternoon about summer camp options for our youngest. So why was this different?
Completely letting go of a relationship and watching that person move on to someone else is like watching a child grow up. They change, move on, and need less and less of you.
Well, it was different because my ex was sitting at the bar with a first-date smile on his face. And sitting across from him was a woman with a matching nice-to-meet-you smile on her face.
He was on a date. I wanted to throw up.
Keep in mind: I’m on a date too, with my actual boyfriend, whom I’d been dating for about six months at that point. (We’re now engaged to be married.)
