Dear Level

Yes, Your Partner Has a Problem With Your Stamina in Bed

Unlock your inner Energizer bunny

Aliya S. King
LEVEL
Published in
4 min readJul 31, 2020

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Illustration: Janet Sung

Update 6/7/22: Level has a new home. You can read this article and other new articles by visiting LEVELMAN.com.

On my very first date with my now partner, I made one thing clear. If this works out and we end up in bed together, I told him, please know this: I will never, ever get on top during sex. Ever.

(He was only slightly horrified, but he told me later that he appreciated the brutal honesty.)

So why no woman on top for this woman? Over the years, I’ve found that some lovers depended on me to do all of the work while they lay flat on their backs, enjoying the view. That’s fine occasionally, but if you’re not mixing it up, any repetitive position can go stale quickly. Especially one in which you resemble a starfish.

Why do cis-het men prefer their partners on top? Often, it’s because they’re exhausted. Combine a long workday with household responsibilities (not to mention a pandemic), and my male friends say that sex is sometimes a means to an end. And woman-on-top allows them to rest.

Respectfully, that’s some nonsense.

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Aliya S. King
LEVEL

Aliya S. King is an author, freelance writer and editor.