What to Do When You Have a Crush on a Married Couple
Navigating my first throuple
--
Gwinnett County, Georgia, has a name that’s fun to say aloud — but it’s not as much of a fun place to live if you’re queer.
Being raised in those Atlanta outskirts, I was told not to have pride for being queer. “Keep that gay stuff to yourself,” was actually uttered to me at one point. The message was clear and quite effective — I did not acknowledge myself as a sexual being until I landed out west, in the liberal city of San Francisco. The Golden City offered a new promise; no longer did I feel out of place because in San Francisco there’s always someone even weirder.
As I began self-exploration during my twenties, San Francisco was a conducive backdrop for my sexual self-discovery. I learned about creative sex positions, fetishes, sex toys, and polyamory.
Oh, polyamory.
On dating apps like Grindr, I’d seen users openly disclose being in “open relationships.” I needed someone to break down the difference between ethical nonmonogamy and cheating because at first, it seemed like next-level infidelity.
Before San Francisco, I probably would’ve never become curious about polyamory. I read The Ethical Slut, which is basically the bible for people experimenting with alternatives to monogamy. But as I learned more, I became amenable to the fun, excitement, and opportunity of all that could be done in the bedroom with extra hands and orifices.
At the heart of the word, polyamory is just love. It didn’t have to be sexual. Love comes in many forms.
Some friends from Georgia used to call me a prude before I came to San Francisco; they thought of me akin to Charlotte from Sex and The City or Joan from Girlfriends. So imagine their shock when I told them I was falling for Robin and Raul — a married couple.
I first met Robin while mingling at a Los Angeles bar. She was the only person in attendance who seemed to understand me. Once we became friends, she introduced me to Raul. While he and I couldn’t connect over his sense of style — his shirt looked like a Steak ‘n Shake tablecloth — we bonded over our shared musical taste and…
