Dear Level
What to Do When You Don’t Like Your Partner’s Style Choices
You may not be on board with every makeover. Here’s how to be supportive anyway.
Update 6/7/22: Level has a new home. You can read this article and other new articles by visiting LEVELMAN.com.
In 1993, I decided I wanted to stop chemically treating my hair and just let my natural curls do their own thing. It wasn’t a popular concept at the time; a woman’s beauty and femininity were still tightly connected to how she styled her hair. But for countless reasons, both political and professional, I wanted no parts of artificially straightened hair anymore.
My boyfriend, a college senior, was not supportive. His idea of glamorous was Mariah Carey, Janet Jackson, and Toni Braxton. And my plan — a half-inch Afro — was not what they were rocking.
I told him why the cut was important to me, but he didn’t budge. My shoulder-length straightened hair was all he’d ever known, and what I was considering was far too drastic for him to accept.
So I asked him point blank: Are you attracted to me or my hair?
He refused to answer. I went through with the big chop the following day. (We broke up within a few weeks. He said it wasn’t my hair…
