This Week in Racism: Wal-Mart Nazis and Arkansas Being Arkansas
It’s an embarrassment of riches in our new weekly roundup of the world’s most pathetic people!
Death and taxes used to be the only two certainties in life — but no matter how much progress it feels like we’re making sometimes, the sad fact is you can probably slide racism into that list. Are we in a moment of uprising that feels like it has the potential to create real, systemic change? Yes. Do people and organizations still show their ass on a daily basis? Oh, most definitely. And to keep tabs on all that ass-showing, we’re pleased to introduce our weekly racism surveillance machine. If you already get our newsletter, Minority Report, you’ve likely seen this — but now the rest of the internet can get a taste.
🗑 Next Time, Make Sure You Wear Your Formal Swastika Mask to Wal-Mart
Last week, the biggest retail chain began requiring masks to be worn in its stores, so of course two Minnesota geniuses protested the move this weekend by shopping in face coverings emblazoned with giant swastikas. “I’m not a Nazi,” one of them said. “If you vote for Biden… this is what it’s gonna be like. Socialism is gonna happen here in America.” Hey, so quick history lesson: “National Socialism,” which is what gave the Nazi party its name, isn’t the same socialism that Tucker Carlson is so riled up about. But since you’re wearing a swastika to Walm-Mart, we’re guessing that reading isn’t a strong suit. Anyway, Walm-Mart banned them for life. Wait, no, Walm-Mart banned them for a year. A year? Keep Walm-Marting, Walm-Mart. (Facebook)
🗑 Washington’s Football Team Relieved to Find It Doesn’t Have the Only Trash Owner in the NFL
New York Jets owner Woody Johnson isn’t just an unthinkably wealthy pharmaceutical scion with a folksy name that’s supposed to cover “Robert Wood Johnson IV” with a faux-populist sheen. He’s also the United States’ ambassador to Britain and a longtime friend of Donald Trump, all of which came together recently after it was discovered that Johnson had lobbied the U.K. government to move the British Open golf tournament to his boss’s resort in Scotland. But that’s all par for the course. The real fun came in uncovering Woody’s long history of being a racist stool, whether wondering aloud why Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. deserved a holiday or asking if scheduling a Black History Month event meant he would have to speak to an audience that “was just a bunch of Black people.” We hope it doesn’t, Woody — for your own sake. (New York Times)
🗑 White Dude Holds “Black Lives Matter” Sign in Racist-Ass Arkansas Town, You’ll Never Guess What Happens Next! (Just Kidding, You Totally Will)
The mayor of Harrison, Arkansas, wants it to be known as “the best small town in America.” He’s gonna have a tough time, what with the Klan using a Harrison P.O. Bbox as a mailing address and its decades-long reputation as a sundown town — and now, with director Rob Bliss’ YouTube video of a posting up there with a BLM sign and recording the results. Every so often, we think we’ve seen the bottom. We think that this country is finally starting to get somewhere on the long road to undoing its racist underpinnings and moving forward. Then we see this video, and all we have to say is: Gguess it’s still a long way down! (YouTube)