The Toxic Romance of Mental Disorder and Substance Abuse
Walking through the day means nursing a universe of emptiness cradled between the chest and stomach
I’ve dealt with chronic depression and anxiety my entire life. The earliest memories of feeling “down” or having suicidal ideations started when I was 13 years old — around the time many people with a chronic disorder begin to experience symptoms.
I never knew what was wrong with me. The mental health language didn’t exist at the time, and at my age, I couldn’t yet wield the words needed to describe what I felt. The most I could muster was that I felt sensitive, sad, needy, and weak — like an emotional teenager. But this wasn’t just teen angst; it was the beginning of the path I had to walk.
It’s genetic: I have mental illness on one side of the family, and substance use on both. It’s the reason why my mother felt she couldn’t continue being my mother when I was 15 months old. It’s also one of the reasons I’m so proud of my father. Having this internal struggle is in my blood. It’s in my genes. I was made for this.
One in 25 Americans suffers from a mental health disorder, and 5.8% of them suffer from two or more. Many will turn to substance use as a coping mechanism. For us, walking through the day means…
