JUST RANKIN’ SH!T

The Gifts From “12 Days of Christmas,” Ranked

Timeless song, sure, but how do the offerings from said true love stack up?

Photo illustration, sources: Tom Merton/Roger Harris/Natalya Danko/Getty Images

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12. 12 Drummers Drumming

We love Drumma Boy as much as the next trap rap enthusiast, but a dozen percussionists at the same damn time sounds like an instant migraine.

11. Eight Maids a-Milking

Are these, like, lactating women? And wouldn’t that make them maids a-nursing? Or are they milking cows or something? Either way, we really don’t need that much milk.

7. (4-way tie) Four Calling Birds/Six Geese a-Laying/Two Turtle Doves/Seven Swans a-Swimming

We’re gonna need bae to be a bit more creative. Like, half of the gifts in this song are fowl. These aren’t even delicious birds, just birds — none of which appear in a turducken. Sounds like a lot of poop in the house.

6. 10 Lords a-Leaping

Sounds like five-on-five to us! Let’s just hope it’s not a Knicks game.