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JUST RANKIN’ SH!T
The 8 Best ‘Rocky’ (and ‘Creed’) Movies, Ranked
Yo, Adrian, they can’t all be champs!
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8. ‘Rocky V’ (1990)
Not only is Rocky damn-near brain dead after his narrow victory in this movie’s predecessor, he’s also broke as a joke, thanks to a shady-ass accountant. What’s left to do but [rewinds VHS] defend your honor by squaring up with your former protégé in the streets before patching things up with the estranged son you’ve been neglecting? All those haymakers to the head really started to take their toll on the script.
7. ‘Rocky Balboa’ (2006)
The American propaganda has always been as heavy-handed as one of Rocky’s left hooks, but there’s a line — and this film crossed it with a primary antagonist named Mason Dixon (sigh). The younger boxer (played by real-life bruiser Antonio Tarver) goads the now-geriatric legend into the most lopsided generational feud since “Granddad’s Fight,” but goddamn if the Italian Stallion didn’t give it his all.
6. ‘Creed II’ (2018)
All these daddy issues and not one therapist in sight. Apollo’s illegitimate son, Adonis (Michael B. Jordan), gets some empty vengeance after defeating the son of Soviet slugger Ivan Drago, the emotionally unavailable comrade who killed Apollo. Putin and Russia’s election hacking bob and weave in the background but emerge without taking any sly jabs or mentions.
5. ‘Rocky II’ (1979)
Riding high off the Oscar-winning original, Sly Stallone cooked up a rematch for the ages between Rocky Balboa and Apollo Creed. Not to spoil anything for you, but… the White guy wins. The only good thing about that is how he wins: a battered, brutal who’s-gonna-get-up-from-the-canvas-first slugfest that established a blueprint for approximately 17 gazillion pro wrestling matches over the next four decades.
4. ‘Rocky’ (1976)
Less a boxing movie than an inspirational drama about a boxer, the OG made a star out of a dude who was best known for softcore…
