Just Rankin’ Sh!t

The 7 Most Dreadful White Folks With Locs, Ranked

What the rassclaat!

LEVEL Editors
Published in
2 min readMay 18, 2021

7. Jack Sparrow

What do you even call what Johnny Depp’s Pirates of the Caribbean character had going on under that bandana? You can’t dignify them by calling them locs, but you also can’t minimize the reputational damage done — to Black hair and to pirates. All dude needs is a peasant skirt, and he’s ready to IG Live from Coachella. Hope you’ve got some clippers in that treasure chest, matey!

6. The dude from Counting Crows

Sure, he’s got a name, but do you know it? (It’s Adam Duritz.) Out here looking like the cat in the back row of your junior-year history class who never had a pencil. Not only were your man’s locs extensions, but they somehow got peak Jennifer Aniston on his arm. Mr. Jones, you gotta stop.

5. Drexl Spivey in “True Romance”

Gary Oldman may be a hell of an actor, but playing a Detroit pimp in this crime flick fell juuuust outside his range. The character design was dope — milky eye, fronts, leopard-print robe, and a head full of locs that scream spring break ’97 — but that accent just wasn’t it, chief. Drexl said it himself: It ain’t White boy day.

4. Brad Pitt

For some reason, homie thought that his 2014 photoshoot for Interview, in which he dressed as a series of characters, would be the perfect time to sew in some extensions and chant down Babylon. Spoiler: It wasn’t. Diddly-no-oh-ohhhh!

3. Ras Trent

Andy Samberg and his comedy partners in The Lonely Island don’t connect on every swing, but they KO’ed this 2008 SNL short like it was Nate Robinson. From the mangled patois to the cultural-appropriation stew, never before has the college stoner in a baja and some trustafarian locs been so accurately portrayed.

2. Justin Bieber

Don’t say Biebs isn’t a master of reinvention. Not only did he bring out the blond joints in 2016, but he saw fit to re-up his look on its five-year anniversary. Combine their foulness with the patchy-ass, nonconnecting beard, and you’ve got something that’s less natty than ratty. Twice, Biebs? Twice?

1. This anonymous dude

Full disclosure: We have no idea who this dude is. We just know that his before and after photos made their way onto Reddit a few days ago, and we haven’t been the same since. To go from straight-up bald to a majestic crown of leonine locs — not to mention the Medusa-head Versace barber’s smock he’s wearing — hasn’t just made his barber a lifetime triple OG but has proved once again that Bigen is undefeated.