Just Rankin’ Sh!t

The 6 Worst Arguments Against Wearing Masks, Ranked

The only drawback of masks is that they don’t muffle your dumb-ass justifications

Photo: Koldunov/Getty Image

6. “It’s weak.”

Got it, He-Man. By the power of Grayskull, you know what’s actually weak? Shriveling in a hospital bed while a machine breathes for you.

5. “It’s medical tyranny!”

Oh, you mean like how in mental health facilities, those with darker skin are restrained more often? Or how Black patients are presumed to have a higher pain threshold, so receive less pain management at all levels of care? Got it, chief.

4. “Herd immunity LOL”

Sure, once Covid-19 infects a certain chunk of the population, it won’t be transmitted as effectively. Thing is, that chunk of the population could be as high as 80% — meaning we never get there at all without a vaccine. But considering how y’all are acting about wearing a thin layer of cloth over your face, we’re guessing that’s gonna be an issue too.

3. “Ever hear of carbon dioxide poisoning?”

Absolutely — in severe cases of chronic lung disease. In which case you probably shouldn’t be outside anyway. Nice try, though!

2. “But those doctors on that Breitbart video said masks were a hoax.”

One of them also said that disease was caused by — and we’re not making this up — demons and witches having astral-projection sex with humans in their dreams. With science like that, who are we to contradict her?

1. “Bill Gates George Soros 5G Obama Wayfair is trafficking children!”

Actually, you know what? Keep the mask off. Might be best in the long run.

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