Just Rankin’ Sh!t
The 6 Sexiest Veggies to Grow During a Pandemic, Ranked
It’s phallic gourd season, y’all!
Update 6/7/22: Level has a new home. You can read this article and other new articles by visiting LEVELMAN.com.
6. Eggplant
It may be played out in the emoji world, but the humble aubergine still belongs in every pandemic garden — both for its alluring purple color and its hall of fame BDE.
5. Sweet potatoes
Get into the pink with these tasty tubers. You might even find one Georgia O’Keeffe would have loved.
4. Penis peppers
This is true: Amazon sells seeds for hot chili peppers that look like penises. Not on purpose, exactly. (And as penises go, they’re not not weird-looking.) But still, there’s no better way to keep it spicy.
3. Carrots
Carrots have almost been ruined by that one disgusting Trump meme, but don’t let that distract you from a vitamin-rich pair of getaway sticks!
2. Onions
From the right angle, onions look like breasts. They make their own cleavage. They can also improve your sex life. Dip dip di, you’re making us cry.
