Just Rankin’ Sh!t
The 5 Worst Patois We Can’t Unhear, Ranked
Cease and seckle, people
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5. Brad Pitt, ‘Meet Joe Black’
Pretty Boy Floyd plays Death in this muddled romantic drama, but when he meets an elderly Jamaican woman in a hospital, he goes full Ras Trent. Whether it’s an “everyt’ing gwaan be irie” that sounds straight out of a Jimmy Buffett concert or a gratuitous “raatid!”, we couldn’t escape the struggle — mostly because we had our hands clamped over our eyes, which only made our hearing all the more sensitive. Duppy know who fi frighten!
4. Neil Patrick Harris, ‘Clara’s Heart’
The world didn’t know Harris when this Whoopi Goldberg vehicle came out in 1988; Doogie Howser, M.D. was still a year away, let alone his Broadway career or years-long turn in How I Met Your Mother. But when we saw his character picking up patois from his Jamaican nanny, we — sorry, we had to take a knee after writing the words “his Jamaican nanny.” The only clip we could dig up is relatively innocuous, but trust us: There’s a reason we didn’t fuck with Barney.
