JUST RANKIN’ SH!T

The 5 Most Obnoxious Sign-Offs Used by Facebook Conspiracy Theorists, Ranked

You sheeple shouldn’t believe anything you read in this post!

Omar L. Gallaga
LEVEL
Published in
2 min readAug 4, 2020

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Photo illustration. Source: Apple

Update 6/7/22: Level has a new home. You can read this article and other new articles by visiting LEVELMAN.com.

5. “Look it up!”

Conspiracy theorists have already done all the work, they’re just waiting for your uninformed ass to catch up by watching hours of poorly edited YouTube videos and reading scientific journals from 1976 about fluoride poisoning. Are you too lazy to do the 10,000 hours of research necessary to fully understand their 20-word Facebook comment? Typical!

4. “99.98% survival rate!”

That statistic is gonna be really funny on the coronavirus denier’s tombstone.

3. “#FakeNews”

No news source is reliable. Unless, of course, the conspiracy theorist found it in a speedy Google search or had forwarded to them by the Society of Crackpot Uncles.

2. “That’s just what Bill Gates and George Soros want you to believe”

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Omar L. Gallaga
Omar L. Gallaga

Written by Omar L. Gallaga

Tech culture writer and podcaster, now freelancing in Texas. Bylines: Washington Post, WSJ, CNN, NPR, Wired, Texas Monthly. Here for all your wordy needs.