Just Rankin’ Sh!t

The 4 Most Accurate Names for an Anti-Trump Republican Faction, Ranked

So… anyone got any ideas?

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4. The Cheney Gang

Okay, maybe naming the GOP’s would-be splinter group after Republicana non grata Liz Cheney invites some phonetic similarities to forced prison labor. But hey, if the 1995 effort to bring that reviled practice back to Florida fits, you just might need to wear it.

3. Mmm, Vanilla!™

Well, hey, someone has finally attempted to shake themselves free of the Cheeto-hued monstrosity! Now we’ve got a question for you: What’s orange cream without the orange? Just one flavor — if you can even call it that. Might as well just lean into the blandness.

2. The ‘Cocoon’ Caucus

For four years now, a long list of military leaders, diplomats, members of congress, and Republican officials have been perfectly willing to criticize Trump. Funny, though, how the only ones who said it with their whole chest were either retired or on the brink of retirement. Congrats, lame ducks, you finally took a stand from the safety of your afternoon naps and mah-jongg tournaments!

1. Back to Your Regularly Coded Racism

So you’ve finally found it within yourselves to speak out against fear mongering, QAnon conspiracies, xenophobia, and the umpteen ethical (if not criminal) trespasses that would’ve gotten any president not backed by a bicameral gaggle of bootlicking toadies kicked out of office. Time to get back to the core values of traditional conservatism: hiding behind “trickle-down economics” and “the free market” in order to justify continuing decades of structural economic inequality!

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