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Just Rankin’ Sh!t

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A man on his phone.
A man on his phone.
Photo Illustration: Save As/Medium. Source: Getty Images.

If we wanted to practice the process of elimination, we wouldn’t be on a dating app — we’d be somewhere flunking our LSATs.

There are only three explanations for upping the ante with a “super like”: A) this person is intensely into your profile, and may or may not want to have your babies; B) they are desperate, and possibly a creep; or C) it was an accidental swipe. The mental gymnastics are exhausting, so we’re just gonna assume it’s B.

This person types phrases like “just ask” as their bio, which kind of defeats its purpose (and makes for…


Like many writers, I tend not to respond to comments. But it’s time for some exceptions.

A yellow paper quote bubble on a fishing hook with a blue background.
A yellow paper quote bubble on a fishing hook with a blue background.
Photo: Javier Zayas Photography/Getty Images

I have been told several times over the years that, as a writer, I internet wrong. That seems to mostly hinge on a personal rule I put in place a few years back: With rare exceptions, I don’t respond to comments on my work.

There are several reasons I’ve installed such a defense mechanism. The primary one is that people who post replies are generally a fraction of the people who read an article — and statistically speaking, those who make the time to comment do not mean the writer well. I spend hours writing, researching, and experiencing whatever I…


Welcome to Minority Report, a weekly newsletter from the LEVEL team that packs an entire week into a single email. From learning how to hear other people’s perspectives to the week in racism, from pop-culture picks to a must-read LEVEL story, it’s everything you need and nothing you don’t. If you’re loving what you’re reading, tell a friend to tell a friend.

Prior to this weekend, the vast majority of us had never imagined gospel legend Kirk Franklin calling someone a “bitch ass.” That all changed Saturday, after his estranged son, Kerrion, released a video of his dad cursing him…


Illustration: Davide Barco for LEVEL

The voice-chat social platform skyrocketed in popularity last fall, largely due to an influx of Black users. But we’ve heard this song before.

It was the night of December 8, and a group of Black users on Clubhouse were threatening a boycott.

Meezy, 21 Savage’s manager, had created a room on the voice-chat app expressly for that purpose; from its virtual “stage,” he proclaimed in his vehement rasp that he was willing to delete Clubhouse from his phone if the company didn’t act on his demand within 24 hours. Dozens of voices spoke up, pledging to follow his lead. Even legendary DJ Clue voiced his commitment to the cause, despite being in the middle of his radio show on New York’s Power 105.1…


This Week in Racism

It’s an embarrassment of riches in our weekly roundup of the world’s most preventable disease!

Photo: Save As/Medium; Source: Getty Images

Death and taxes used to be the only two certainties in life. But no matter how much progress it feels like we’re making sometimes, the sad fact is you can probably slide racism into that list. Are we in a moment of uprising that feels like it has the potential to create real, systemic change? Yes. Do people and organizations still show their ass on a daily basis? Oh, most definitely. And to keep tabs on all that ass-showing, we created a weekly racism surveillance machine. …


Just Rankin Sh!t

No double taps for you!

Photo: 10'000 Hours/Getty Images

If the Fyre Festival documentaries revealed anything, it’s that a lot of the people making you jealous with their jet-setting are literally renting out studio space and snapping glossy photos of a would-be life. Or, simply photoshopping themselves on the Great Wall of China. We know it’s cap, but the FOMO still slaps.

There are only so many “live laugh love” mantras, screengrabbed tweets, and quotes misattributed to civil rights leaders that one person can take. There are literally whole other apps dedicated to words — including, but not limited to, the platform you’re currently scrolling.

This weight room warrior


Welcome to Minority Report, a weekly newsletter from the LEVEL team that packs an entire week into a single email. From men showing their ass policing women’s bodies to the week in racism, from pop-culture picks to a must-read LEVEL story, it’s everything you need and nothing you don’t. If you’re loving what you’re reading, tell a friend to tell a friend.

Men ruin everything. Actually, let me rephrase that: Men ruin everything for women. And that goes double for Black women.

Consider two non-Bernie internet trends that have dominated the young but already eventful 2021. First there was the…


Just Rankin’ Sh!t

Consider this a subtweet

Source: Phongthorn Hiranlikhit/Getty Images

This person has big federal-agent energy. Whenever you say something mildly shady about someone else, they quote-tweet you and tag the person’s handle, usually to invite that person and their armada of dweeby followers to trash your mentions. If we wanted to address them directly, we would’ve done so ourselves, you weird-ass hall monitor.

Please. Please leave us alone so we can make our jokes in peace. We don’t care about facts on this hellscape of an app. We just want the soft caress of temporary happiness.

This first cousin of the “Well Actually”-er wants to remind us that we…


Just Rankin’ Sh!t

It’s just like work, except the office is open 24/7

Photo: Jose Luis Pelaez Inc/Getty Images

Has 5,000+ network connections. Wouldn’t recognize a single one of them.

They have a great plan for your small business (you don’t own a small business) or podcast (you don’t podcast) to save you money by being your tax adviser and accountant (you already have one). They’re eager to hear about your entrepreneurial dreams (you aren’t an entrepreneur). They’ve looked over your profile as carefully as they would your taxes.

This person has the perfect job for you — that is, if you don’t mind living in Duluth, working for a psychopathic CEO, and getting paid entirely in bitcoin.

You…


Just Rankin’ Sh!t

What hell on earth hath Zuckerberg wrought?

Photo: 10,000 Hours/Getty Images

An annual Tough Mudder participant. Is in the middle of a juice cleanse. Is reading The 4-Hour Workweek. Just invited you to a Zoom meditation session. Meanwhile, your fist is lodged halfway down a tube of Pringles.

This person has a dining room set from Wayfair, four very used ceiling fans, 20 vintage Transformers toys that may or may not still transform, and a truck bed full of ceramic tiles they’re willing to trade or sell. All they ask is that you share their Marketplace listings with all your friends and be on the lookout for Hummel figurines.

At least…

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