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D-Nice’s DJ sets have become an Instagram staple — and the source of some enduring life lessons

Photo: BET2020/Getty Images

On March 18, 2020, Derrick Jones set up some DJ equipment in his kitchen, went live on Instagram, and immediately began to change the world. That might feel like an exaggeration — just put it in your back pocket and we’ll revisit it later.

Jones grabbed some wine, started playing music, and just like that, the “Homeschool social distance dance party” was born. What followed was nine hours of digital festivities, virtually attended by the likes of Common, John Legend, and LL Cool J, in addition to thousands who prefer using their real names when they go to work.


Just Rankin’ Sh!t

This has gone too far, people!

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5. Hot Dogs

The food item that highlighted the Great Sandwich Debate all those years ago. And you know what? Not a sandwich. All these hot dog defenders are missing one crucial thing: A hot dog bun is only one piece of bread. Gotta break that hinge to make it a sandwich!

A bastardization of the hallowed sandwich — a dry-ass turkey roll isn’t lunch, no matter how you slice it. While there are foods that redeem the wrap’s justifiably lowly reputation, like gyros or burritos, they ain’t sandwiches.

Yes, we know they have “sandwich” in the name. Yes, we know they have…

We are raising a boy and a puppy. And the similarities are astounding. And expensive.

Alexander and Shadow Robinson. Photo: Christopher Robinson.

I am not a dog person. Or a cat person. If there are lizard persons, I am not that either.

I am not an animal person of any kind.

And I have always rolled my eyes at the little names people give their pets that suggest that they are kind of like children — “fur babies,” for example.

So when we brought our puppy home a few weeks ago, I had no reason to believe that I would ever use any such terms.

But, oh my God, if someone doesn’t get over here and help me take care of my…

Just Rankin’ Sh!t

Congrats, you’re talking to real people at real parties. Just don’t do it like this.

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4. “So, you Moderna Massive or Pfizer Force Five?”

Despite what ironic hashtags will have you believe, this is an express flight to playing yourself. Science is dope, but pledging your allegiance to a billion-dollar pharma company is another thing entirely. This isn’t arguing about things with qualitative differences, like pizza chains and Girl Scout Cookies — they do the exact same thing in the exact same way. What, are you out here asking people if they’re Team Aquafina or Dasani?

Here’s a tip, Romeo: Your perseverance is not a virtue. Maybe not taking no for an answer was meant to be charming once upon a time, but so…

Just Rankin’ Sh!t

Stop being cute and just describe the damn thing!

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6. Exuberance

For any general color you can think of, there are dozens of Pantone varieties. Take orange: There’s Orangeade, Jaffa Orange, Apricot, (whatever the hell that means), Tangelo, D’angelo (okay, not that one), and the list goes on. Most of them at least sound orange. And then there’s… exuberance. We’re all for poetic license, but can anyone explain this one to us?

If we were being generous here, we’d say, “Clearly, Pantone was trying to evoke the deep-red hue of the bricks from which so many cities’ apartment buildings are built.” But we’re not that generous because we know exactly

Just Rankin’ Sh!t

How has the DMV not revoked every last license?

Photo Illustration: Save As/Medium; Source: Universal Pictures/Amazon Prime Video

7. Driving a car onto a moving boat (‘2 Fast 2 Furious’)

2 Fast 2 Furious is when things began to get 2 reckless, as seen in this scene that finds Brian (Paul Walker) and Roman (Tyrese Gibson) driving a classic car from the road onto a moving yacht in open water. When you consider the objective — rescuing Eva Mendes — it sounds pretty reasonable.

6. Running across a falling bus (‘Furious 7’)

Aboard an express bus to doom, Brian escapes the overturned vehicle — which happens to be slowly tilting off the edge of a cliff — by sprinting across its long exterior and jumping onto the back of Letty’s (Michelle Rodriguez) car. Is he ever gon’…

Just Rankin’ Sh!t

No shots at the field, but let’s get some real New York legends in the mix

5. Times Square Elmo

If there’s one thing people dressed up as lovable characters and harassing tourists have in common, it’s that they know what a dollar’s worth — something that any NYC mayor needs to be in touch with. And be clear here: We’re not talking about the one that touched a kid. More like the one willing to throw hands for a bigger tip. Now that’s a work ethic!

The homebrewed fashion legend launched hip-hop style into the stratosphere with his bespoke ensembles — now he’s got brands like Gucci begging for that Uptown flavor. …

Just save me the big piece of chicken, tbh

Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

Father’s Day is almost here, and you know what that means: Prepare to unwrap another pair of socks!

Sure, you might get lucky and get something good — some cigars, that broadsword you’ve wanted since you were a kid — but I wouldn’t count on it. These are, after all, gifts usually given to you by your children filtered through your significant other.

But you love them, so you’ll smile and say thank you for the house slippers or the drink coaster set that the many rings on your coffee table prove you never use. …

Just Rankin’ Sh!t

Bring on the bubble guts!

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6. (Real) Singles

We don’t know much, but we know one thing: There are foods that only a Kraft product can complete. What, you’re gonna make a grilled cheese or breakfast sandwich with Swiss like a damn savage? The thing is, not all American cheese is created equal. If the package says “cheese food” or “American slices” or anything besides just “cheese,” keep that shopping cart pushing. In other words, Deli Deluxe all day!

The original salty sprinkle. Wow, sorry, we didn’t think about how that sentence sounded until we saw it sitting there. …

Just Rankin’ Sh!t

If you were a gas pipeline, you’d already be out millions!

Photo Illustration: Save As/Medium; Source: Getty Images

5. “123456”

No lie, this is the most common password used. (And “123456789” is right behind it.) If you’re lazy enough to rock with this, we’d hate to see the back of your fridge. Or your personal grooming situation. Or really anything else in your life.

Another perennial top five on security audits, this either means you never bothered changing the default when it was given to you — in the early 2000s, we’re guessing — or you have trouble remembering how to count in order. …


Higher Learning. A publication from Medium for the interested man.

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