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Just Rankin’ Sh!t

What hell on earth hath Zuckerberg wrought?

Photo: 10,000 Hours/Getty Images

An annual Tough Mudder participant. Is in the middle of a juice cleanse. Is reading The 4-Hour Workweek. Just invited you to a Zoom meditation session. Meanwhile, your fist is lodged halfway down a tube of Pringles.

This person has a dining room set from Wayfair, four very used ceiling fans, 20 vintage Transformers toys that may or may not still transform, and a truck bed full of ceramic tiles they’re willing to trade or sell. All they ask is that you share their Marketplace listings with all your friends and be on the lookout for Hummel figurines.

At least…


You’re quiet out there now that your leader is gone. Don’t expect us to lower the volume while celebrating this victory.

Photo: Mark Makela/Getty Images

It’s funny how an election changes situations.

Many of you have been uncharacteristically quiet over the last couple of days, or maybe Facebook’s algorithm gods are just sparing my sanity. Either way, I can’t tell you how much I appreciate the silence right now. Crickets all over.

Unfortunately, posts from some of you popped up all through Election Day/ week, when President-elect Joe Biden pulled ahead of Donald Trump in those crucial swing states. You started to plead with everyone to suddenly get along and sing “Kumbaya.” …


JUST RANKIN’ SH!T

You sheeple shouldn’t believe anything you read in this post!

Photo illustration. Source: Apple

5. “Look it up!”

Conspiracy theorists have already done all the work, they’re just waiting for your uninformed ass to catch up by watching hours of poorly edited YouTube videos and reading scientific journals from 1976 about fluoride poisoning. Are you too lazy to do the 10,000 hours of research necessary to fully understand their 20-word Facebook comment? Typical!

4. “99.98% survival rate!”

That statistic is gonna be really funny on the coronavirus denier’s tombstone.

3. “#FakeNews”

No news source is reliable. Unless, of course, the conspiracy theorist found it in a speedy Google search or had forwarded to them by the Society of Crackpot Uncles.

2. “That’s just what Bill Gates and George Soros want you to believe”

Conspiracy theorists think Bill…

LEVEL

Higher Learning. A publication from Medium for the interested man.

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