I Survived the Trump Presidency, and All I Can Feel Is Guilt

The complicated feelings following the end of the most traumatic presidency of my lifetime

David Dennis, Jr.
LEVEL

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Photo: Susan Walsh/Getty Images

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I guess I’m supposed to be happy today. I’m supposed to feel that because the deadliest, most corrupt, most villainous president of my lifetime is gone, that I’m waking up to a new, more joyous day. And, personal politics about Biden aside, he is going to be objectively better, less deadly, and less corrupt than the avowed racist who left the White House yesterday. Today is going to be a better day for all of us than yesterday was, let alone the day Donald Trump was inaugurated. I should feel some sort of joy about this.

But I don’t. I feel like I shouldn’t be here.

There’s going to be a lot of celebrating the fact that we made it through these four years. But I don’t feel celebratory about surviving. I feel guilt. Because so many of us didn’t make it — and so many of those who didn’t make it look just like me.

Trump has been partly to blame for a plague that has killed hundreds of thousands of people, with death rates highest among people of color. He separated families and put…

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David Dennis, Jr.
LEVEL

Level Sr. Writer covering Race, Culture, Politics, TV, Music. Previously: The Undefeated, The Atlantic, Washington Post. Forthcoming book: The Movement Made Us