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Dear Level
Should You Go to Therapy With Your Ex?
Whether you’re seeking closure or reconciliation, it may not be as absurd as it sounds
When my ex invited me to join him in couple’s therapy, I thought there was no way in the world I’d waste my time trying to put out the dumpster fire that was our relationship. Instead, I’d rather continue to move on, knowing that with time and distance, we’d eventually think about each other less, start seeing other people, and break what seems to be an everlasting bond.
The thing about that bond, however, is that a lot of it is rooted in trauma. He and I are each doing our own therapy, but I decided to hear him out, be objective, and weigh the pros and cons of committing to months of treatment with a man I love but left. So I grabbed a sheet of paper, drew a line down the middle, and considered the fors and againsts. With hopes that it might be helpful for others, I’m sharing a version of that deliberation below.
Pro: Therapy with an ex could help heal deeply interpersonal traumas directly related to the relationship. Dealing with these hurts together allows each person an opportunity to understand and take responsibility for the pain they’ve caused. Being able to make amends can accelerate healing and closure.
