Put That Ho-ing on Pandemic Pause

It’s simple: If they don’t live with you already, it’s time to break out the lotion

Michael Arceneaux
LEVEL

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Photo illustration; Credit: Getty Images / Unsplash

Update 6/7/22: Level has a new home. You can read this article and other new articles by visiting LEVELMAN.com.

People have needs, but I wonder if some of you hoes are out here actively trying to die.

Personally, I greet global pandemics with fear. Immense fear. I don’t want people near me — particularly if medical officials are encouraging the population to keep away from each other. This excludes service workers, of course: God bless them, and may their immune system remain as strong as Megan Thee Stallion’s knees. (Also, tip them well; they deserve it now more than ever.)

Everyone else, though? It all depends. When’s the last time you coughed? Who made your hand sanitizer?

I’ve tried to be somewhat chill about the coronavirus situation — as chill as someone whose mama used to make him watch Nostradamus-themed TV specials and similar rapture-related material can be, at least. I wash my hands more than usual. I’ve stopped touching my face, the result of a long process of cursing myself out each and every time I found myself doing so.

Nothing wrong with having sex with a stranger, but during a…

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Michael Arceneaux
LEVEL

New York Times bestselling author of “I Can’t Date Jesus” and “I Don’t Want To Die Poor.”