Please Don’t Call Her My ‘Baby Mama’
Words matter, even idle barbershop talk
I wholeheartedly hate the term “baby mama.” But I’ll confess: Before having a child, it was a term I would use with little thought as to what it might convey or who it might hurt. The identifier was short and immediately explained a situation, with no actual context needed as to how the person you were describing fit into your life. “Ex-lover turned parent,” but pithier.
Throughout my young adult years, “baby mama” was also used as a term to convey some level of annoyance with a co-parenting partner. The flippant phrase also excluded uncomfortable truths from a conversation. You’re no longer pressed to admit, “We never had the chance to be friends and started dating and found out we were having a child and wanted to make it work.” Or, “We were lovers who had a child but couldn’t coexist romantically.” “Baby mama” left no room for additional context; it was a very easy method of explaining away a relationship. But when I knew I was going to become a father, I immediately recognized it would be a term that would have no place in my day-to-day dealings with my co-parent.
The phrases and words we choose to describe the people in our lives matter more than idle barbershop talk. The mother of my child is also my friend and part of my moral support system. But it took us a…
