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No, You’re Not R. Kelly — But You Still Have Work to Do
Yes, there are monsters out there, and you’re not a monster. But if I’m in danger from a man, that man is more likely to be you than a megarich superstar.
Update 6/7/22: Level has a new home. You can read this article and other new articles by visiting LEVELMAN.com.
Last night, I watched the first two episodes of Surviving R. Kelly Part II: The Reckoning, Lifetime’s latest docuseries about the disgraced R & B icon. What I already knew: He’s a monster. What I learned: He’s a monster far beyond what we could have even believed after last year’s original Surviving R. Kelly. (Allegedly.)
But I don’t want to write about R. Kelly. Yes, he’s in the news again, but I’d rather use this opportunity to think bigger when it comes to protecting women from sexual assault.
Because someone like R. Kelly is actually rare. This is a man with enough money, fame, and enablers to continue engaging his proclivities for decades. When it comes to sexual assault, the true danger for the typical woman (or man) is much, much closer.
The typical person who will commit sexual assault is — you. Yeah, you.
After nearly 20 years, the long and winding saga of R. Kelly has desensitized many of us. The details are known, the alleged monstrosities many. He’s an easy person to point at — or, for an ever-dwindling few, defend.
It might seem like R. Kelly is alone on a planet of fuckshit. But best believe he’s got room for you.
A funny thing happened when I sat down to write, though, and asked my boyfriend a few questions to help clarify my thoughts. I thought he was going to be a sounding board — but we ended up in a two-hour conversation so jarring that for a moment, I really didn’t understand him at all. And he felt the same about me.
Here’s the thing: I think of him as a feminist and an ally for women’s issues. (Like any true ally, he rejects those titles. Strongly.) But I couldn’t believe how quickly we found ourselves in a place where we didn’t see eye to eye on the basics of consent and sexual assault.
