I Transformed My Body So I Could Take These Nudes But Weight Loss Wasn’t the Problem

A year of dieting, exercise, and mantras proved one tragic idea.

Andrew Ricketts
LEVEL

--

On the move. (Photo by Morgan Cousins)

I called my best friend Anwar in November of 2020 to deliver the news and come up with a plan. He is a fitness expert, by any measure, but his most official credential is his body, near 40 and as chiseled as he’s ever been. Most of the men I know, especially after kids, surrender to gravity’s droop. Not him.

He has spent 6 years carving his body, especially after having his first son. Something about his dedication to staying fit feels both rigorous and desperate. As I’m scrounging for my own sense of desperation, for ways to find it in a year when desperation needs my attention in so many other places, I know dialing him will help the mission. No sooner than I start to mention dietary changes as the baseline does he start rattling off facts about ‘macros’ and ‘lipids’ and ‘gluten reactions.’

There’s a difference between looking fit and being healthy, and he lives in that Better Wellness nation-state, striving toward greater health instead of ticking off new gym routines or bookmarking YouTube videos. He courts obsession and buys courses on bio-hacking (the new art of trying to live longer or live forever or live pain-free). He told me about his…

--

--

Andrew Ricketts
LEVEL
Writer for

I’m a Caribbean and American writer from New York. My stories are about coming-of-age, learning how to relate, and family. It’s a living, breathing memoir.