Dear Level

How to Step Up Your ‘Stranger at a Bar’ Role-Play

Ever imagine hooking up with a stranger?

Elisabeth Ovesen | NYT Bestselling Author
Published in
4 min readJul 30, 2021
Photo Illustration: Save As/Medium. Source: Getty Images.

Being in a loving, nurturing, and safe long-term relationship can be stabilizing, life-changing, and… well, boring.

Unfortunately, year after year of having sex with the same person in the same ways can quickly turn into not having sex at all — and often does. Coupled with everyday stressors like demanding careers, finances, aging parents, and/or raising your own kids, sex with your partner can easily become an afterthought. Familiarity can breed contempt; comfort can easily slip into complacency. Therefore, keeping your sex life exciting often takes a concerted effort.

One way to keep things exciting is by focusing on fantasies, many of which may call for the introduction of other sexual partners. Now, while many couples thrive in open relationships, many more prefer monogamy, which puts the kibosh on most fantasies (unless it’s The One-Man Gangbang!). That’s where a bit of imagination and amateur acting enter the equation. The “stranger at a bar” fantasy — a common role-play that involves lovers masquerading as unacquainted people hooking up — is one way to spice things up, but allow me to present a tweak that takes it to the next level.

Let’s start with the basics. First, you and your consenting partner choose a night to play. Leave the kids with a babysitter and clear your schedules for the following morning, so there are no nagging responsibilities to shake you out of the fantasy. Next, you’ll choose a location to meet. This setting will help set the tone and inform your characters’ backstories. Let’s say you meet at a five-star hotel; perhaps your role is that you’re in town for a weekend conference while your partner is only in town for one day to close a lucrative deal with the city. The possibilities are infinite.

Make it appear to onlookers as if you two just met; this will elevate your sexual excitement when the two of you start making out and eventually leave together.

To keep things under wraps, you should to get dressed, leave the house, and arrive at your location separately. You may…



Elisabeth Ovesen | NYT Bestselling Author
Writer for

3x New York Times Bestselling Author | 'The House of Ill Repute (Kensington Publishing, 2024)