How I Healed From My Father Wound
After 25 years without him, I chose to forgive him
It used to be that whenever people talk about their “father wounds,” I would dismiss them immediately.
I never even knew my dad growing up, I’d think to myself. Folks should deal with their crap and move on; that’s what I did. At least, that’s what I thought I’d done. But the truth is, I’d never addressed my feelings about not having my father in my life. I’d never allowed myself time to consider whether I had a “father wound” of my own. To me, that self-reflection felt like vulnerability, and vulnerability can lead to pain — and I didn’t want to open myself up to that.
Yet by the time I was nine or 10, that refusal to process my emotions — which began as self-preservation — evolved into a sort of numbness, leaving me with a very low emotional connection to others, and ultimately to my own needs. Emotional numbness feels a lot like falling asleep on the couch using your arm as a pillow. At some point, you wake up and realize your arm has completely fallen asleep. That “pins and needles” sensation hasn’t kicked in yet; it’s totally numb. Even though it’s been in an uncomfortable position for some time, you can’t feel it. And for that reason, it doesn’t hurt.
