How Drinking Killed My Father — and a Part of Me
Years after he passed, dating an alcoholic made me sober in a way I never knew I needed
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I met my partner on Instagram in the summer of 2018, after stumbling onto her profile through a friend I made via #CentralAmericanTwitter. A single comment led to a slide into the DMs, and for nearly eight months we chatted back and forth while living on opposite coasts. We seemed perfectly matched, but remained well-aware that distance had a way of creating an illusion of the ideal. So that winter, we decided to actually meet — in person. Looking back now, I know it was fate. But at the time, the idea of flying cross-country to take a chance on love seemed insane.
When I arrived at her doorstep in the middle of January, after walking through Soho in the freezing cold, it was the warmth of our connection that calmed my nerves. Being together was magical, but as it got later into the night, there seemed to be something she needed to tell me. Sitting cross-legged on the edge of her bed, she looked at me directly and said, “I’m an alcoholic in recovery. I’ve been sober for two-and-a-half years.”
Up to that point, the vibe of the night had been fun and flirty — but with this reveal, the energy shifted. Her tone remained even, although later she’d confess to hoping this wouldn’t prove a dealbreaker for the potential “us.”
There, inside her charming studio, we found ourselves at a crossroads. She moved cautiously, despite my attempt to sound comforting, my assurances that I could never judge her for something many people struggled with. And while her commitment to her well-being is one of the many impressive aspects of who she is, it was that she understood something about my past — something I had yet to reckon with on my own — that concerned her most.
Al-Anon is for the loved ones of alcoholics; Alcoholics Anonymous is designed to help the alcoholic achieve sobriety and stay sober. The stigma of going to either is a challenge for communities of…
