How Celibacy Strengthened My Marriage

Five years of abstaining might not have been perfect, but it built an unshakeable foundation

Chad J. Thomas
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Photo: Jose Luis Pelaez Inc/Getty Images

Eight years ago, the term “celibacy” wielded the same discomfort and embarrassment as an STD. However, when I moved from NY to L.A. in the summer of 2012, that sexless “disorder” crept its way into my life, nestling in boldly yet unnoticed like the fly on Mike Pence’s head at the VP debate.

At that point, nothing about my lifestyle reflected monogamy, let alone abstinence. As a young, single brother with a real job in L.A., the allure of Hollywood’s party scene had me out in these streets being a ho. Even though I grew up attending church, knew the Word, and had a sound value system, the let out at 1 OAK and the women I met were too strong of a temptation to resist.

I was “in the world,” as the church folk would say. Unbeknownst to me, God’s divine plan was unfolding in the cut — after three months of hedonism, a faint whisper to change my lifestyle eventually became a blaring megaphone. I could no longer ignore the messages that infiltrated every conversation, sermon, or quiet moment I experienced. God was up to something, and He wasn’t subtle with His instructions — I had to give up sex.

The recurring question from my friends who…

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