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Holiday Pro Tips for Black Single Dads
Don’t just take them to Grandma’s during the holidays
When I got divorced, my biggest fear was trying to coordinate Thanksgiving and Christmas with my two young sons, now nine and six years old.
Many friends encouraged me to make my own traditions with my sons, but I had no idea what that meant. How do you make traditions when you don’t know how to bake cookies, can’t afford to buy all the presents you wish you could, and don’t have an easily accessible grandmama’s house to visit?
I didn’t understand that my kids would be excited no matter what we did simply because we were doing it together.
Falling in line with the regular traditions will always feel like the better option because that’s “how it’s supposed to be.” But you can make the holidays even better by spending quality alone time with just you and your kids. Seeing solo Dad take on some of the significant holiday responsibilities he might not otherwise — like cooking the entire meal, not just the meats — will put you in a new light as a role model. It will show your kids that Dad cares about their entire holiday experience and is capable of providing all of it, not just some parts. It also takes the pressure off Grandma and other matriarchs, helping to break down toxic gender roles. Most importantly, it gives you a chance to create unique, powerful memories that can last a lifetime.
Here are a few things I wish I would’ve leaned into much sooner.
Share your personal history
It might seem obvious, but sharing family stories means something different when kids get to hear them from Dad. Pull out the photo album and tell your children how you grew up — the clothes you wore, your favorite places and things to do, your friends and classmates. Any memorabilia or heirlooms you have will be mesmerizing to children, the same way they often play with the boxes gifts arrive in rather than the gift itself.
For Christmas last year, I bought my boys each a set of $10 Transformers action figures. As they opened them, I mentioned that I also loved Transformers as a kid. My oldest asked, “Did they even have cartoons back then?” That led to a conversation about the death of Optimus Prime…
