DEAR LEVEL

Guys, We Watch Porn Too. Let’s Watch Together.

Our little secret is far from dirty. We also don’t mind if you know

Illustration: Janet Sung

SSex is great — that’s universal. But even great things can go stale. Whether you’re in a friends-with-benefits situationship, living together, or married with children, it’s imperative to keep the sex spicy lest it becomes routine or just plain bland.

Think for a second about the last five times you had sex with your partner. Was it different each time? Did you try a new position? Was there a different vibe overall? Okay, if not each time, at least one in five?

If the answer is no, it’s time to shake things up.

Studies have shown that women even more than men can become sexually dissatisfied in monogamous relationships. While women often crave monogamy — particularly since society supports it — we still want spontaneity and variety within a relationship. Just because she’s happy being with only you doesn’t mean she doesn’t fantasize about… well, lots of things (more on that later).

Do you ever wonder what turns your partner on? Or if your partner knows what turns you on? If not, there’s an easy way to bypass what could otherwise be an awkward conversation: Cue up some porn!

Fellas, know this: Even if you haven’t discussed it, your partner knows you watch porn. And she knows it’s probably way more often than you’d admit. Know what else? Chances are, she completely approves — as long as it doesn’t impact the quality and frequency of your sex life.

But do realize those same viewing habits apply for us, too.

A 2019 Pornhub survey revealed that 63% of women watch some form of porn every single week. We may not share the details with you — we might even downplay or deny it. But most of us are checking out our favorite porn categories regularly (and outlasting you there, too).

So, there it is. The cards are all laid out on the table. Now, how about sharing your favorite scenes with us? We’ll do the same.

While women love a good visual, when it comes to porn, we seek out images that reflect what we’d like to have done to us.

Sure, porn viewing preferences aren’t exactly fodder for a Sunday brunch convo. But sharing what you like could be a turn-on for us. And in a perfect world, it might even inspire a new addition to our bedroom repertoire.

The three go-to positions for heterosexual intercourse are missionary, woman on top, and doggy style — basically, the way sex is depicted in an R-rated movie. But when you look at the categories most women are checking out in porn, it’s a lot different than what we’re getting in real life.

Take a wild guess: What are the three top categories that women view on Pornhub?

  1. Anal, hentai, restraints
  2. Amateur, threesome, MILF
  3. Lesbian, popular with women, Japanese

As if this answer isn’t obvious enough, it’s option 3. Lesbian sex scenes are the top searched on porn sites for women. (Send this story to your shorty and ask, “Hey, is this your top choice, too?”) Of course, I’ve got the science to back up those findings.

All humans have an amygdala, the emotional center of the brain. Studies have shown that men have higher levels of activity in the amygdala while viewing sexual images than that of the opposite sex. It’s true, y’all are some highly visual creatures! And while women love a good visual, too, when it comes to porn, we seek out images that reflect what we’d like to have done to us (hence the cunnilingus and lesbian strap-on searches and playbacks). The fantasy tells quite the story.

When you’re a grown man with a partner who is also grown, exploration should be a natural part of your sex life. And sharing bookmarked sex scenes can be a safe and nonpressured way to mix things up. If you can get us to open up about what we like on film, it can be a shortcut to some toe-curling IRL moments.

But of course, porn is also known for the absurd. After you’re done sharing fantasies (and hopefully, orgasms), have a few laughs at some of the current events that inevitably pop up in porn storylines. If you and your partner decide you’re into coronavirus-themed porn, no judgment here. Get yourself a hazmat suit and have at it. Maybe you’ll decide to make a film of your own.

Aliya S. King is an author, freelance writer and editor.

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