Am I Still a Man If My Wife Kills All the Bugs?
I’m strong enough to say that my wife protects me from all enemies, foreign and domestic — and those with more than four legs
Let’s start with the (flattering) facts. I am just over six feet tall, I can sprint a mile in under six minutes, and I can bench 225 pounds for six reps before an ambulance needs to be present. I cook, and I cook damn well. I make my wife laugh — real laughter, not humoring-me laughter. I cry during Pixar films. I possess just the right amount of masculine aloofness that makes my wife wonder if I’m getting dumber or if I just pretended to be smart while we were dating.
But when I see a bug? It all disappears. I become Casper the Friendly Ghost, hiding behind curtains and praying for divine intervention. My wife answers my prayers; she handles the unwelcome guests. But I know she’s left wanting as she copes with being married to a man whose masculinity is reduced to antimatter any time an insect is present.
The great thing about not living with your partner before marriage is that you can hide the parts of yourself that would most certainly cause them to reconsider your proposal. My wife didn’t know about my fear of bugs until after we married and moved in together. Now, three years in, be it through grace…
