Just Rankin’ Sh!t

7 People We’d Like to See as Peloton Instructors, Ranked

Biking with the stars!

Photo: Prince Williams/Getty Images

7. DJ Khaled

Miami’s posse cut king hasn’t seen an ab since he met Ab-Soul at a TDE picnic, but who needs muscle definition when homie’s inspirational power is even bigger than his BMI? THEY WANT YOU TO STOP PEDALIN’, FAM!

6. Tiffany Haddish

“Okay, it says here we’re gonna ‘crank up the resistance’ and ‘get out of the saddle for the next two mi’ — wait, what? Nah, forget that. I don’t even like bikes.” Sometimes you just need someone to enable your worst impulses. Hell, at least you showed up.

5. Nick Young

Look, even if Swaggy P has lost 90% of his NBA conditioning, he’s still in better shape than 90% of people will ever be. Plus, the meme potential alone is through the roof — imagine the first time dude loses his way halfway through a Cardio HIIT workout and just stands there, dumbfounded. WORTH THE SUBSCRIPTION FEE.

4. Cardi B

In this case, “BX” stands for “Bike Xertion” — because there’s nothing regular-degular-shmegular about the drill-sergeant effect of Cardi’s timbre. After 45 minutes, the only thing under your bike (besides your prone exhausted body) will be a wet-ass puddle.

3. Louis Gossett Jr.

Sure, the screen legend is 84 years old. What you’ve neglected to consider, though, is the mystifying phenomenon known as Old Man Strength. His Officer and a Gentleman ass will mop you in that Tabata ride and not think twice.

2. DMX

Is there any better motivation to haul ass than the sounds of menacing growls and vicious dog barking? Hope you’re a ruff ryder.

1. Daniel Cameron

Granted, we’re just putting Kentucky’s attorney general on here because we’d show up every day hoping this would be the treadmill workout where he slips and gets thrown off the back like this guy. Still, it’d keep us exercising!

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