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Just Rankin’ Sh!t
7 Dishes White People Need to Stop Adding Raisins To, Ranked
Gaze upon the horrors of culinary gentrification!
Update 6/7/22: Level has a new home. You can read this article and other new articles by visiting LEVELMAN.com.
7. Ambrosia
We get it: You see the cherries, mandarin oranges, pineapple, and coconut, and you think it’s a fruit free-for-all — an orgy of a dessert dish. Honest mistake, but a mistake nonetheless.
6. Apple pie
With much love for our strawberry-rhubarb brethren, let’s just agree that there’s a one-fruit maximum for pies. Otherwise, it’s a slippery slope from there to this atrocity — a nightmarish maelstrom of confusion and disgust that befalls anyone foolish enough to chow down on your pasty pastry game.
5. Peach cobbler
Raisins are bread pudding MVPs; this we can admit. But there’s simply a texture problem here. Why would you adulterate a perfectly flaky crust and delightfully gooey peach insides with nature’s taffy?
4. Pizza
Remember what we said about a one-fruit maximum per pie? Well, when it comes to pizza, pineapple is the only admissible option. (And at least one of our editors objects strenuously even to this.) In the words of Charles Barkley, anything less would be uncivilized. And sociopathic.
3. Yams
Put down the box of sun-dried California raisins and step away from the sacred side dish.
2. Meatballs
There’s no quicker way to make someone shout “trauma mia!” than by incorporating these chewy, fibrous morsels into your pasta dinner. It’s not all buono over here.
1. Potato salad
You’re really gonna add dried grapes to the most pivotal dish at the cookout? T’Challa put it best: “Aw, hell naw, Karen. Keep your bland-ass potato salad to yourself!”
