JUST RANKIN’ SH!T
6 Reasons Santa Claus Ain’t S**t, Ranked
Check this list twice if you need to, it won’t change the truth
Update 6/7/22: Level has a new home. You can read this article and other new articles by visiting LEVELMAN.com.
6. His treatment of animals deserves two lumps of coal
It’s hard to believe PETA hasn’t subpoenaed the whole Claus operation by now. After 364 days of presumed inactivity, this guy rides the shit out of those reindeer ‘til their sleigh bells fall off — all for the sake of procrastination. Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, and nem deserve better, for real.
5. Santa is a union-buster
The reindeer are just the start. You really think that after hundreds of years of busting their asses to be Santa’s “helpers,” no elves have organized for better working conditions? Much respect to Elf on the Shelf for branching out as an independent contractor, but the story as a whole has remained the same: Mr. and Mrs. Claus have kept their oppressive thumbs on the North Pole’s smallest, hardest workers.
4. He’s also a serial burglar
This is where things start to get suspect: St. Nick somehow puts high-tech…
