Just Rankin’ Sh!t

5 Things Tim Scott Won’t Stop Trying to Bring to the Cookout, Ranked

If we let you come, you gotta promise not to bring any of these. Deal?

5. His famous “post-racism ratatouille”

“Is there a lingering effect after a couple of centuries of racism and discrimination in this nation?” you asked rhetorically on Face the Nation this weekend. “The answer is absolutely.” Great that you’re acknowledging racism and all, Senator, but that “after” is doing a looooot of work here.

4. A vat filled with mayonnaise

“Everyone loves a little extra,” you kept saying, plunking a metal spoon into it like you weren’t violating a cardinal rule of food safety as thoroughly as your continued allegiance to the GOP violates reason.

3. Trump steaks

We get it: You voted with Big Don about 91% of the time — significantly more than your voting record would have predicted. But if you don’t get those pale, flabby porterhouses away from our grill…

2. Brie

Mmmm, soft cheese sitting in the sun for three hours!

1. That potato salad

For the last time, Senator, we don’t care how much you love your Aunt Rebecca’s raisin-studded spin on the barbecue staple. Also, she’s not really your aunt. Also, if you’re from South Carolina, why do you pronounce it “ant”? So many questions!

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store