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Just Rankin’ Sh!t
5 Things More Secure Than the Capitol Building, Ranked
Operation: Lockdown is in effect!
Update 6/7/22: Level has a new home. You can read this article and other new articles by visiting LEVELMAN.com.
5. Music festival wristbands
Remember festivals? Like, the ones you’d attend in person? You’d get that one bracelet that you had to keep on your wrist for entry — sometimes for days at a time! Whether threaded, plastic, or paper, you’d struggle way more with removing it than those nutjobs did with blitzing one of the most important government buildings in the United States.
4. The natural hair product section in CVS
Sure, swipe a laptop belonging to a legislative official, steal House Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s mail, pick up a whole-ass congressional podium — but folks will be goddamned if they get their hands on some leave-in conditioner without one of the pharmacy’s employees unlocking the otherwise-impenetrable plastic panels. (Ditto for condoms and baby formula.)
3. Child-resistant packaging
For decades, these lidded bottles have kept kids from downing, like, 40 Flintstones vitamins at once thanks to push-and-twist…
