Just Rankin’ Sh!t
‘The Five Heartbeats’ Members Who Could’ve Gone Solo, Ranked
Happy 30th birthday to the best thinly veiled music biopic of all time. All tiiiiime!
6. Terrence “Dresser” Williams
Dresser had a decent voice, but getting washed in a dance contest by an old man — in front of your homies, no less — isn’t the most promising indicator of solo stardom.
5. Anthony “Choirboy” Stone
It’s hard to find a name less sexy than Choirboy. Yet somehow, even when the whole band was bombing, he was the only member who ever got shit thrown at him while onstage. Doesn’t exactly scream “we want more.”
4. J.T. Matthews
J.T. had crazy pipes, heartthrob appeal, and was a total womanizer. Sounds like a solo breakout to us.
3. Flash
Eddie Kane Jr. put it plainly in one of the movie’s most memorable scenes: “You want my spot, Flash? Well, you ain’t gonna get it because you ain’t got it!” Judging by the cheesy pop jingles Flash is shown hawking later in the film, Eddie may have had a point.
2. Donald “Duck” Matthews
With rightful animus toward his backstabbing brother J.T. (who had a secret relationship with his fianceée) and all of the Heartbeats’ songwriting prowess, Duck (Robert Townsend) could’ve poured all that bitterness into a breakup album to rival Marvin Gaye’s Here, My Dear. Which is to say, this guy was a super talent — plus, he kinda looked like Meteor Man without the muscles.
1. Eddie Kane Jr.
Peace to Leon, who played David Ruffin in The Temptations and J.T. in The Five Heartbeats, but Eddie Kane (Michael Wright) was the X-factor of this troupe. Dude had run-ins with the law, problems with drug and alcohol abuse, clashes with gangsters, fainting fans at shows — he was basically Bobby Brown. Can’t nobody sang like Eddie Kane!
