Just Rankin’ Sh!t

The 6 Most Useless Household Batteries You’re Currently Hoarding, Ranked

Charge it to the game!

A partial view of a Duracell D battery in black & white against a background with the repeating text “Just Rankin’ Shit.”
Photo Illustration: Save As/Medium; Source: Getty Images

6–5. AA battery and AAA battery (tie)

Rechargeable appliances have largely replaced those that require batteries, but these old reliables have avoided obsolescence. Personal groomers, your wireless mouse, handheld kitchen gadgets, your kid’s toys, a wall clock, the damn TV remote — you’d best keep a few of these batteries around, lest you be AAssed-out when you need ’em.

4. 9-volt battery

Ever touch your tongue to the polarized nubs of one of these batteries for the sole purpose of adding some semblance of sensation to your otherwise numb existence? Just us? Oh. You could use them in smoke detectors, too, we guess.

3. D battery

Okay, Radio Raheem. Unless your nostalgic ass decides to pull your boombox from the back of the closet, these brolic batteries will likely languish in your junk drawer forevermore.

2. C battery

Don’t find yourself in the middle of a horror movie without a few fresh ones in your flashlight.

1. Watch battery

Remember that time you went to Walmart and tried to be economical by purchasing a 16 pack of these lithium discs for your calculator or PDA or something? How many of those are still sealed in the packaging? We’re trying to see something…

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